22/04/25

11pm
my life is finally changing a little but honestly i dont even know if i want it anymore. i feel so overwhelemd. i honestly wish to not do anything ever again and never speak to anyone again. i dont know whats wrong with me. im the personification of shame. i feel so much of it, im starting to think thats all i am. my therapist asked me whats my problem but i dont know. i dont know anything and im so tired of it. i havent seen him in a few months becuase i cant bring myself to. because seriously wtf is wrong with me? i wish i knew the answer to that lol.

09/03/25

3am
i am starting to lose hope. i feel so helpless. i strugle to connect with others. i always tell myself that im just not comfortable enough and that it would change over time but it never works. i catch myself bearly talking, not knowing what to say or not feeling any need to say anything at all. and i know people will say i shouldnt care about those things and just be myself but it makes me so sad and insecure. i want to have deep connections with people but i cant handle being in a constant contact with someone. sometimes i wonder if i ever care about anyhing.

06/03/2025

3pm
its warm today, it almost feels like its spring already. i wish i could enjoy it but to be honest it makes me feel sad. i have nowhere to go and nothing to do. i mean i should probably study and shit but i dont feel like it. the air feels so nice but im at home. it reminds me of all the previous years when i felt the same. nothing changed after all lol. i wish i had friends that i could spend time with and places to go but i hate where i live. i wish i could finally move out. i wish i could leave all of these feelings behind.

artist for today is yung lean/jonatan leandoer96.